I Was A Dumb Kid

When I was six, we had this female cat 'who' just gave birth to three beautiful kittens. They were so beautiful.
But my brother said that the house had already had so many cats, we could not afford to have more. So he asked me to 'throw' away those kittens.

But I was a dumb kid. I told myself, "What will happen to these kittens if they were to live far away from this house without getting a proper meal to eat? They are so young.."

I thought of some 'clever' ways to prevent those 'kids' from suffering. "Life can be so cruel," I told myself. Finally I found a way.

I picked a wooden stick, I walked towards those innocent kittens, and I hit one of them as hardly as I could so that it could never live. It died, right in front of my eyes. Then I put my eyes on the other two. One was already running into the bushes behind my house, and I couldn't find it. The last one didn't run. It stayed.

I looked at it, and I purposely dropped the stick right onto its leg. The kitten screamed. I broke one of its legs. Then my friends saw me doing that terrible act, and I pretended that it was an accident. " I didn't mean to hurt it! It was done not on purpose!" I said.

Together we put the last remaining kitten in a coop. I entered my house, I confessed to my late father about what I had done. He said, "that is a very big sin, you should never do that again. It might become a curse (in Malay we say 'badi') in the future".

Since that very moment, I felt so guilty and stupid for doing such an idiotic inhumane cruelty. I tried to save the last kitten, but it died soon after the 'accident'. I tried to find the kitten that ran away, but it was a failure. I cried.

From that moment, I promised myself that I will always love cats no matter what. They will be my friends, and I will be theirs.

Until now, every time there's a cat coming into my house, crying for food, I will feed them. I always believe that among those cats that have been coming to my house, one of them could be the kitten that survived in the bushes.

Years have gone now, I still haven't forgiven myself for what I did. And I still tell my mother, "If there's a cat coming and asking for food, just give it some. Who knows, whatever we have now is a present for what we did to those cats?" Even cats know how to pray.

About the curse, it actually happened. After that bloody incident, I started to love cats so much that I would never live without them. At the same time, I started to feel the 'pain'. Whenever a cat was dying in front of me, or already dead, I would feel terrible. I felt like crying. It didn't hurt me physically, but somehow it 'hurt' my heart every time I see a dead cat. A terrible pain. Until now.

Believe me, that is one of my greatest regrets in my life, and I swear to God, if I ever got the chance to go back and change the past, I would first go to that 'bloody' moment and stop that dumb me.

30 comments:

miss AIN May 11, 2009 at 10:38 PM  

touchingnyer..=(
no doubt,we didnt think much when we were kids..
just do whatever we want without thinking of the effects!

~i've learned something from this entry!=)

Igniz May 11, 2009 at 10:48 PM  

miss ain: that's why...:( I'm happy that you managed to learn something from this entry..glad to be part of it:) If you don't mind me asking, what is it that you have learned?XD

Sir Hanif Abd Nasir May 11, 2009 at 11:53 PM  

not to kill a cat, but drive the car across the dog's body.. hehe..

Igniz May 12, 2009 at 12:40 AM  

hanep: that was you..i was only an innocent passenger..:P

Igniz May 12, 2009 at 12:40 AM  

hanep: that was you..i was only an innocent passenger..:P

Igniz May 12, 2009 at 12:40 AM  

hanep: that was you..i was only an innocent passenger..:P

Igniz May 12, 2009 at 12:41 AM  

aduh, camne leh byk lak comment yg sama nih??malas nak delete..:P

wunny cool May 12, 2009 at 1:23 AM  

huu~
poor kitten loe!
now, the lesson's learned..
(^_^)v

Nadjighah May 12, 2009 at 2:19 AM  

Oh teringat bela kura-kura masa kecik dulu.

While my dad was cleaning its tank, one of em ran away and got run over by a car. Squish. Sedih. ='(

Igniz May 12, 2009 at 8:54 AM  

wunny cool: yup:)
nadjighah: cengkerang dia xberjaya lindungi dia ke?:(

Nadjighah May 12, 2009 at 11:17 AM  

nope. kura2 kecik lagi. baby. eh tak tak. toddler. yep, kura2 toddler. :[

anyone wanna get me a new onnneeeee? dah lama takde pet. hehe.

Nadia May 12, 2009 at 4:53 PM  

ouch! u killed the kittens? :'( how cud u. they're cute arent they? i know this happened when u were a kid. but how cud u kill such a cute creature? sobs.

n May 12, 2009 at 6:20 PM  

i 'killed' 15 cats. i fed them for a year and then during one summer, when i needed to go back to malaysia to do my work experience, we sent them to animal welfare so that the welfare would find them new owners.

but it was summer, and cats breeding extensively, the welfare wouldnt be able to find owners for all of them. so the guy said they need to put them to sleep. and we signed the paper.

sometimes we made cruel decisions. and each decisions lead to a new beginning.

or so i hope.

p/s: gile psycho ko :p

Igniz May 12, 2009 at 7:25 PM  

nadjighah: ooo...sy xde kura2 nak bagi..huhu..
nadya: masa tu sy jahil lagi.....T.T
n: mesti sedih perasaan masa tu kan...:(psycho gak ar sy ni...huhuhu...

'aqila May 12, 2009 at 8:04 PM  

pity cat...i love cat...
don't ever hurt them again, cat just the cutest creatures ever..

Igniz May 12, 2009 at 8:21 PM  

aqila: i will never hurt a cat again..huhuhu...but i still believe that cute girls are cuter than cute cats..so cute girls are the cutest creatures, perhaps?kiddingXD

nOllY dOllY May 12, 2009 at 8:57 PM  

oh...i know exactly what u felt.
i've done terrible thing too!!
until now, its still haunt me, even though its forgiven.
:(

Igniz May 12, 2009 at 9:32 PM  

nolly:detik anak kucing itu mengerang kesakitan sebelum menghembuskan nafas terakhir masih segar dalam ingatan saya..jadi mimpi ngeri dan trauma...:(

Natasya May 13, 2009 at 12:01 PM  

well,at least u learned something from it doncha?
I used to have lots of cats at home too, love them very much! Now i have only 1, Imogi..

Somehow to me, loving your pets give me more satisfaction as they will never lie or pretend that they love us, unlike human.

xoxo ^^

Igniz May 13, 2009 at 7:41 PM  

natasya: betul tu!betul tu!:)

the unknown May 13, 2009 at 9:06 PM  

i lost a cute kitten once.
had the worst trauma.
since then i try not to be attached to any cats.
juz cant bear the thought of losing em.

Igniz May 13, 2009 at 9:29 PM  

unknown: owh..that's a different way of dealing with a trauma..maybe i should try that..who knows? but i'm sooo into cats now...huhuhu..

aiMo0o May 14, 2009 at 9:17 PM  

i'm crying rite now!!!! sedih nye... you were very young and innocent...dumb things happen and sumtimes dumb things tot us to be a better person..

it reminds me of my own guilt of not helping an injured dog which was hit by a car (the car took off rite after that). he (the dog) drag his bloody leg to the other side of the road and he looked really scared, he was just trying to cross the road. as i passed by, i looked at him and i felt really sad for not being able to help him, i dont know anything about dogs, wat more to say about their medical treatments. he looked at me as if he's hoping for me to help him, but i didnt, i just walked away. in the afternoon, i saw him lying at the same place, but this time he's not moving. it died. i have the biggest guilt of my life. i should've done something!
i know that he is just a dog, but he is still God's creature, who deserves tender love and care.
a day after the incident, i joined SPCA as a volunteer.
;)

Igniz May 15, 2009 at 4:02 AM  

aimooo: gile sedih..i can't imagine myself looking at a dog yg sedang kesakitan sambil dgn penuh harapan meminta bantuan...now i'm feeling the 'curse'..adoi sedih giler...:((

Anonymous May 15, 2009 at 9:48 AM  

kalo baru beli ikan mas sehari, then dia mati, It might become a curse for me tak? =(

-dyneilla-

Igniz May 15, 2009 at 9:52 AM  

dyneilla: u didn't do anything bad to it, right? So why would it want to put a curse on u? nope, i don't think so.

En. Hizzly May 16, 2009 at 12:39 PM  

mcm cite saw siot. just mangsa je lain makhluk

Igniz May 16, 2009 at 4:12 PM  

hizzly: camne lak leh mcm cite saw?

Anonymous November 7, 2009 at 3:27 AM  

I still remember when my first cat Kelabu died in front of my eyes just because I sprayed Ridsect to a cockroach. Kelabu liked to play with cockroach so it happened when he played with the Ridsected cockroach & he got the poison. I was 6 that time, and I felt terribly bad so I gave Kelabu a grand funeral & mourn for a week. So since then, whenever I raise cats, I will never poison even an insect!

Igniz November 7, 2009 at 11:51 AM  

anonymous: one thing we do affects another.. hm..thanks for sharing:)

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