Earth Is The Biggest Toilet In The World

About ten years ago, a boy went fishing near a friend's house. Long story short, after a few hours spent on waiting for fish to finally take the bait, he needed to pee. So he walked into an orchard in order know. He found a bush, he was ready, and before he could manage to 'unleash' everything he no longer needed, he heard a scream! He looked around, panicked, and saw two adults and two kids, all were female, walking towards him. So the scream was actually a shortened version of "Hey! I can see you...!!!"

That was the boy's first and last attempt to pee at a place not called 'toilet' and he failed disgracefully. He never tried or wanted to do it again since.

Well, this story only happened to this boy, or perhaps to certain people around the world. Which means, not everybody has encountered this kind of humiliating incidents, and even if we all have, not all of us learned or regretted that it happened. This leads to the main point of this entry.

Everyday we witness or hear about people (normally men) taking a leak at a place that is not meant for that activity. Bus stations, buildings' walls, car parks, playgrounds and more! As if those places have a signboard telling, "Do pee here for better results", like what is usually found on facial treatment products (they change the first three words of course).

I was thinking about this the other day. Thank God girls aren't provided with the same 'hose' like boys (even though some of them succeeded in visualizing the 'What a man can, a woman can too' attitude), thank God humans aren't made to pee every 10 minutes (even though I do that sometimes when the temperature is low), and thank God I hate Mathematics (this one has got nothing to do with anything).

What I'm trying to say is, if things were the other way round, then Earth would not last long, let alone to wait for 2012 (I give it two and a half stars out of five). My teacher (an ustaz) once told me that taking a leak in the most sincere thing we can ever do. Because we will never regret doing it and say "Oh no! I just peed! What a waste!". It is extremely true! But if it's done at a wrong place, well that's a whole different story.

Look around you now. Don't get shocked if one morning you wake up and see some yellowish liquid and they don't smell like tea, because someone just relieved himself at your house.


There was once a girl
who saw an ignorant boy
and she fell for him
but she couldn't reach him

One day she tried to meet him
she wanted to talk to him
and the boy listened
and the girl flew away into the wonderland

There was another boy
who was a stranger
where did he come from?
what was his name?

There was a second girl
who saw the ignorant one
with a jubilant girl
they were holding hands

Then the boy saw that girl
and fell for her
while the girl who was beside him
well, he would want to forget

Then the ignorant met the second
and the jubilant was left unwanted
didn't know what to do
she cried over nights and days

There was once a girl
who fell in love with a boy
but she was never meant to stay
and the stranger came to rescue her day

He didn't do much
but to comfort when she needed one
when her sky was bright he was gone
when the dark clouds surrounded she wouldn't be alone

Perfect For Human Research!

No laboratory needed, less money included, daily access with more than 20 up-to-you locations, this is definitely the best medium for anybody to conduct a research on human patterns, appearances, attitudes and lives. Almost everything is provided and you do not need to prepare yourself with anything except a very powerful observation and a small absorbent material because you will probably sweat, a lot.

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you, Keretapi Tanah Melayu Berhad (KTMB)!

Indeed everyone, KTMB provides you with quite a big number of samples that will help you proceed with the data-gathering process. They are all free and you do not need to worry about the possible 'Can't Do' responses because they will definitely cooperate!

I have just 'done' a study titled 'An Observation On Types Of People Who Step Into The Train That Ranges From Seremban To Rawang Everyday' and come up with several entertaining results. This was done on Friday, 13th November 2009 at 5.30 to 6.30 p.m. I have found five obvious types of people there, which are:

1. 'Fainter'

This type of people is probably the weakest kind of passengers in a train, physically and mentally. Normally they come with a small body and people will hardly realize them. 'Fainters' will drown in the sea of the multicultural train society, like a headless sardine in a can. People will only see them when they are down on the floor. They get seats after that.

2. Actor

They are still new in the industry and getting nervous for their first upcoming advertisement or drama. So they keep practicing and repeating their dialogues, hoping they will be able to memorize them. Their common dialogues are, "Let people out first!!!", "Can't you have patience!!?" and "My leg! My Leg...(pause) leg!". With various intonations, of course.

3. Lost Lover

Individuals of this type wait at the train station in pairs. When the train comes, they want to enter together, but the world in never fair, they are stopped and separated by hundreds of immovable figures, that they have to shout to one another, "Wait me at Sungai Buloh's sta....(door closed!)!". Very tragic.

4. Worker

Workers normally possess a temper and are very prone to violence. Since they are so into working and do not have time to socialize, they do not enjoy being with people, feeling the heat and sniffing the odour from the crowd, let alone getting body contact. If one of these happens, their eyes will burn and they will start pushing people away from them. They will also produce a few dialogues to make the drama slightly interesting. "Don't step on my foot!", "Move backwards!", "Move! Move! I wanna go out! I said move!", and "Don't lean on me!!". They are easily worked up.

5. Opposer

Panic or exhaustion might cause this type of people to appear, and they are definitely the most hated people in there. When they are told to wait and let others go out first, they go in. When they are told to move and make way, they stand still. They will normally trigger the Worker to become active, but most of the people would just give up on them. They seem very confident in behaving strangely and doing the opposite.

p/s: This is what you get when the train is overcrowded.

Let's Make It The Other Way Round!

There is a day in which most of the people, if not all, would wait excitedly in every year. They'd make sure that the day would never be forgotten by themselves, and ironically especially, those around them. If this was to be made a test, the result would be exactly the same; everybody said "Birthday"!

Yes, indeed, most of us here would never want to miss this day. It is like a very special and unique event that allows us to remember how we were made to exist. Unfortunately, I don't feel the same way. I mean, I'm not much of a person who cares about his own birthday. I don't know why. I would be deeply touched if people remembered my day of birth, but I wouldn't mind if they didn't. However, I do understand why, for some people, this day is the most awaited day in their lives. But let's not talk about it, shall we?

I was thinking about what would happen if birthday was meant to be different from what we see now. What if on our birthday, we had to give away presents to people who wished us instead of us getting some from them? What if that was the norm of life? Would people feel the same way about celebrating a birthday? Would they be excited? I don't think so.

I have come up with some possible excuses that people might use in order to avoid celebrating a birthday, if the rule was indeed changed. Feel free to read them.

Excuse One:

"I was born on 29th February. That day only appears once in four years. Too bad that I won't be celebrating birthday this year. Maybe next time, okay? When that year comes, I'd tell you when my birthday is."

The next you meet and ask them, they say, "Oh shoot! You just missed it! It was last week."

Excuse Two:

"I used to have a beautiful cat named Dr. Mohd Farhan Bin Jamal and I loved him very much. One day when we were celebrating my birthday, he suddenly died. I promised myself to never celebrate birthday again since."

Excuse Three:

"I'm in a relationship with a girl who is extremely overprotective. Last year, when a girl who was a friend of mine wished me birthday, she beat her to near death. The next half an hour, she did the same to another friend of mine. This time it was a man. You see? I don't want you to experience the same horror. Just forget about my birthday."

Excuse Four:

"I was found by my parents at a bus stop. Nobody knows when my birthday is. No, please don't speak about giving me a new birthday. I don't want it. It's fake!"

Excuse Five:

"Let's be honest here. You want a present, and I don't have money. So let's stop pretending and wasting our time."

This one is not really an excuse, though.

Well, what excuse do you have in mind? Have fun thinking. :)

Do Not Let Them Miss It

I would wake up early in the morning just to make sure I wouldn't be left behind. My grandfather would put me on the bike, that I would only sit in front of him. He took me to a food stall, and there I would have my favourite; bread with coconut jam. Then he would buy me some toys that were wrapped nicely in small packets, with some chocolate candies packed together.

He brought me to his orchard, and I would sit in a hut, playing with my toys. Meanwhile he would take hours to run his precious land of fruits and I didn't mind waiting. In fact, I wasn't really waiting for him to finish since I got toys to spend my time with.

There was once my right foot was stung by a honey bee and I cried so loudly. Grandfather stomped it so angrily and said, "how dare you touched my grandson!". Then he had a look at my already-swollen foot, recited something and assured me everything would end up alright. Every night when he got home from the mosque, I would purposely crawl and pretend that I was still a baby to greet him, calling "Atok! Atok!" and he would take me up on his shoulder and say, "That's my grandson!"

He loved me so much, as much as I did for him. He told me that he would never let me down. He whispered in my ear, "I don't like seeing my grandson cry because he didn't get what he wanted". So he always gave me everything I ever wanted as long as he could afford it. But don't get him wrong. He was very strict. He would cane me so hardly if I did something wrong. I would cry, but I never ran away. Then he would appraise me for being brave.

He died when I was 17, the night before my first SPM paper. It was Additional Mathematics. He suffered from a stroke, and for years he had been paralyzed and couldn't move, or talk properly, or smile, or buy me toys, or take me to places, or even punish me when I wronged. He died in his sleep while I was sleeping at home.

I saw a lot of old people playing chess with one another in a place. That place was meant for them, or that was what their children believed. I no longer want to say anything about them treating their folks such a way, and I hope I'll never do the same thing to mine. But what I care about is the grandchildren. Will they ever get the chance to be held dear by their grandparents like I did? Will they ever taste the joy of being taken up on shoulders, or to orchards and other places? Why can't they have the same thing, if not better, like their parents did when they were kids?


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