Stop Missing A Person Who Doesn't Miss You Back

I can still remember the day when I told my friend about my feeling towards a girl. The case was quite complicated and until now I can't really tell what went wrong. The only thing I'm very sure of is, me and her were having a mutual feeling for each other, but we didn't manage to declare anything and she got snatched right away. So, instead of moving on together, we moved on separately.

Back to the part where I told my friend about what I just told you, he responded in a very ignorant way, but amazingly with a clear point. I told him, "It's really hard to forget all the moments spent together, and I still can't believe that I missed the chance by an inch of hesitation." He said, "Why do you want to suffer alone here while she enjoys her day with her boyfriend there?"

Seriously, that friend of mine had been needing my help (some sorts of honest opinions and stuff) from me for years, but on that miracle day, he turned things around and provided me with one. Yes, what he said totally made sense (even though he admitted that it was accidental). So I guess everyone needs help, eh?

Since then I started to see the world from a different point of view. Of course I got on and off with a few more relationships (actually it was only twice in 5 years if I did my Maths correctly) later on, but the feeling of losing someone dear didn't hurt me as much as before.

I always told myself and those who sought for my opinions, "Do not try to forget the ones you've lost, because you will never succeed. If they could give you such an impact, what makes you think you could forget them in the future? Instead, allow yourself to think of them and remember all the things you've done together. Do not fight it. If you want to miss or call or cry, let it be. Because one day you will stop. And when you stop, it's not because you have succeeded forgetting them, but you've actually managed to accept life and live without them."

So when I put the title 'Stop Missing A Person Who Doesn't Miss You Back', I wasn't thinking about telling any of you to do that. I wanted you to see the title in a form of a question. Can you stop missing a person who doesn't miss you back? Maybe yes, maybe no. Why must you force? Hey, I'm no expert.

However, if you keep missing the same person and remain alone, you're going to let go a lot more names that might give a change. Huh, the more I say it, the more it is going to contradict. And who says life is fair again?

42 comments:

joegrimjow February 5, 2010 at 10:49 PM  

hard
but worth it

Igniz February 5, 2010 at 10:55 PM  

joegrimjow: heh. :)

imajica February 5, 2010 at 11:09 PM  

so true, you have to move on. but easier said than done, though :)

and i like it how you put ".. it's not because you have succeeded forgetting them, but you've actually managed to accept life and live without them.." well said.

Igniz February 5, 2010 at 11:15 PM  

imajica: of course it's easier said than done. it took a while for me to finally move on. hehehee :P

thanks for the compliment. :)

Cik kEChiks February 5, 2010 at 11:29 PM  

i'm trying somehow..It's really hard. (-_-)

Raatatooee February 6, 2010 at 12:08 AM  

I officially love your blog now :)
Imma read every entry you post, promise :D

NICE POSTT!

Aida Hazlan February 6, 2010 at 12:49 AM  

usually when u miss a person, that person actually misses u even though he/she didn't tell you that they do :) subconsciously she does miss you just that she doesn't let you know :P


i read about that in reader's digest quite a long time ago.

Judiene February 6, 2010 at 1:48 AM  

sorry dude
i see your title in a form of statement
and yes, i always remind myself of that
it's not worth to miss the person who never ever gonna miss you back
all you have to do is, find another person who can give you comfort and who will take away all your problems
talk about love eh..

=)

Igniz February 6, 2010 at 6:59 AM  

cik kechiks: don't stop believing you can.:)

raatatooee: thank you very much! :)

aida: i've read about that too. :)
ha, i also read about dreams, in which if u dream about a person you miss, somewhere around the world that person is also missing you. but i dont know if it's true, though. :)

judiene: hee. if you can make it a statement, that's better i guess. :)

Fakhrul 'Ayour' Anour February 6, 2010 at 12:18 PM  

Igniz: Bravo! But you should know it yourself la bro. Obviously the girl really likes you, just that she was waiting for you to say it. Man today are worse than a lady, you can't even spell the bean! Igniz... when you like a girl, say it... she really want to hear it. But don't simply say it or you end up hurting her. You're just making yourself weak la bro... she's a lady ok! If she is still available (who knows!) it's time to say it. Or else... the moment will pass u by (My Best Friend's Wedding). Kiki!

Igniz February 6, 2010 at 12:37 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Igniz February 6, 2010 at 12:39 PM  

fakhrul anour: dude, i think u got me wrong. it wasn't me who hesitated la. it was her. i've said it so many times and wanted to proceed to the next level. but she wasn't ready. and before i knew it, she was gone. hahaha. but it was an old story. now it doesn't matter anymore. hehehe.

Igniz February 6, 2010 at 12:43 PM  

fakhrul anour: and in this entry i'm just using my situation as an example. but the main point does not relate with me at all. it is general information (or tips if some want to consider it that way). i love history, but i don't live in it. heheh.

portgas.d.ace punyer awek February 6, 2010 at 3:26 PM  

last week i went to the beach. coz last time we used to go to the beach together. and u know what i found out? i wasnt sad anymore! i remembered everything about him, and i miss the moments we spent together, but the feelings wasnt strong enough to make me cry. and all this while i didnt want to go to places that might remind me of him coz im too afraid i might break down again.

sometimes u move on with ur life thinking u havent forget someone. but actually u had. long time ago.

Emmi Idris February 6, 2010 at 5:59 PM  

in tears.... :( your words are just soo demnn comforting...

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Igniz February 6, 2010 at 10:06 PM  

n: portgas d. ace punye awek?? in your dream. haha. ur case is the living proof that what i said is true. i dont think u have forgotten him. i think you have accepted your life and managed to live without him. which is better. that's why u didn't cry. hehe. but u know yourself better, of course. so i might be wrong. :P

emmi: kalau comforting, naper nangis? :(

Azie Nazri February 7, 2010 at 12:20 AM  

Aaaa you and your undeniably true ideas.

You're not a TESL student anymore, are you?
Doing journalism? Where?

Igniz February 7, 2010 at 1:15 AM  

azie nazri: yup. dah graduate dah. currently working as writer at GEMPAK magazine. :)

Fakhrul 'Ayour' Anour February 7, 2010 at 1:49 AM  

Igniz: -_-".... Ek! Wrong answer! (why do I get all the negative impact?) C ya on Monday, jackass!

Igniz February 7, 2010 at 7:03 AM  

fakhrul anour: hahaha. so i realize now that u just hired a jackass. hehehe.

+faliqfahmie February 7, 2010 at 1:15 PM  

dang it took me some times to find the post a comment button. whats with the font color bro? hehe

anyhow, yeah i agree with some of your points, if not entirely. i agree especially on 'we have the right to miss whoever we want, at any time we want'. but of course, it comes with a price. missing someone without having the slightest expectation of being missed back is like working as the mcdonalds for 8 hours and expecting no salary.

afterall, 'the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you know you can never have them'

Igniz February 7, 2010 at 1:27 PM  

+faliqfahmie: agree with you. it comes with a price. hehe.

Merissa K. February 8, 2010 at 11:36 PM  

it would be pointless to forget.
wheres the fun in that?

its just too inevitable, missing someone. you cant help it, so might as well make the most out of it.

at the end of the day, no regrets. baru lah happy hidup. kan?

(i emotional sekarang. layankan aje)

Igniz February 8, 2010 at 11:42 PM  

merissa k: oh, for you, i give special attention. u can be emotional anytime. hehe. :P

..Burnt Amber.. February 10, 2010 at 7:32 PM  

i just got dumped by my boyfriend of 17 months. he broke it off on our anniversary. he said he has stopped loving me. just like that. and all i did was love him wholeheartedly. guessed he didnt see that. i asked him if i would make him happy if we broke up. he said "very" and i gave in. why? because i never say no to him. and 'd do anything to keep the person i love happy even if it hurts me this much. he treats me not as well as he treats his friends but yea...i never blamed him. his friends, guys or girls, adore me like crazy. now they are feeling awkward. he is one of the most shittiest person i know but i love him. i have no valid reason of loving him so i dont have any reason to hate him either. i will continue loving him regardless of how he feels..i will still miss him because that's my choice. even if one day he forgets my name...i will continue to have his name carved in my heart. because i didnt love him with the hope of him loving me back or anything like that...its because i love him truly from the bottom of my heart. i might not move on from this though he will, happily, that is. I choose to miss him..and its ok if he doesnt miss me back. i feel worthless, pathetic and yes, i'm a loser...but that's what love can do to me. and i...therefore, am the victim of love. never regret. only love.

Igniz February 10, 2010 at 9:23 PM  

burnt amber: okay, it's your choice. i respect that. :)

aiMo0o February 16, 2010 at 6:41 PM  

People keep telling me that i have a strong heart. i dunt easily cry on things unless it really hurts me.. do u remember once before i posted something on a guy who lied to me and i called him harsh names (dumba**,to be specific) n u told me, not every guy is like that.. he turned out to be the one i cant live without and now we're inseperable (as cliche as it sounds but wholy true).. the point here is, like u said, we people always have choices.. the difference is how we make use of it.. as for me, as hard as it is to forgive him and accept him back in my life is my own decision.. regardless of the risks i mite face later on..i decided to do so bcoz i realized that i never cried over a guy before until that dumba** appeared.. so i tot, he must be sumting different..
alhamdulilah, he turns out to be what i expected, and even more... =)

Igniz February 17, 2010 at 8:17 AM  

aimooo: glad to hear that (i mean the happy part of your life) :D

nadia February 25, 2010 at 2:48 AM  

aku suker sgt ngn post ko yang ni.....bermakna sgt!betul tuh.....'stop missing a person who doesn't miss you back'...kalo tak lupakan org mcm tuh,kita ssh nak teruskan idop.....mmg ssh nak wat,tapi bler dah berjaya lakukan....kita akan rasa satu kemenangan dlm diri sendiri sbb berjaya atasi kekecewaan yang kadang kala melalaikan....tapi kita perlu jugak berterima kasih kepada org mcm tuh sbb dia mengajar kita erti kehidupan-ketabahan!

Igniz February 25, 2010 at 6:37 AM  

nadia: haha. bagus2. bagus2. ha, nasib baik ko ada mesej. kalau tak aku tak tau ni nadia yang mana satu. hehe.

nadia February 25, 2010 at 12:52 PM  

kurang asam!~

Anonymous March 1, 2010 at 7:50 PM  

bro igniz.

we must live in reality. xsangka ada lg insan yg mcm brO igniz... ntah la. pelik n it make sense if pkara ini tlampau dpikirkn...

i just want to advise u based on my experience. dont make ur life suffer alone. give chances to other girls. u r gud persOn. very8 gud i think. papepn, think about ur mum. if u r unhappy, she oso unhappy. so, dont make ur mum unhappy. change.

dlm dunia ni, kte ade Tuhan... minta n bserah la padaNya... insyaAllah xkn ada lg prsaan yg xbest (dat make u suffer)... Allah Maha Mengetahui. mayb ada hikmah blaku sume ni. pmpuan itu bkn tbaik utk bRO. mayb. ataupn, cra jodoh bRo nk dpertemukn ngn prmpuan itu laen drp yg laen. mula2 suffer then happy ever aftr. hopefully. Amin :)

n lastly, i think we cant stop missing a person who doesn't miss you back bcoz we r still in love wif dat persOn or mayb just bisikan syaitan... wat manusia dlm khayalan... so, bdiri atas bumi yg nyata. if ade pluang to tackle or get back a persOn dat u miss a lot,try. if xdpt, bru puas hati n takdir kut... redha je la. XD

eh ade ag... if you keep missing the same person and remain alone, you're going to let go a lot more names that might give a change. taw xpe. Allah Maha Mengetahui n Maha Adil... dlm hdup ni, kte sume sentiasa diadili... Yg buruk dtg dr kte, yg baek dtg drNya. renung2kn, slmt bramal... hehehe. tc brO igniz! :)

Igniz March 1, 2010 at 9:54 PM  

anonymous:
please take this positively, okay? don't get me wrong. i appreciate your thoughts, but:

1. You are OBVIOUSLY missing the whole point of this entry. this entry is not about my love story. it's about sharing opinions based on my previous situation a long time ago.

2. I'm not missing anybody at the moment and obviously I'm not thinking about the same person again & again. The situation that I talked about in the entry happened FIVE years ago. And it was meant to be an introduction to the REAL point of this entry. It's absolutely not the same anymore now.

3. The reason why I wrote this entry is simply because; there have been a lot of friends (mostly girls) who have been asking for my opinions regarding their relationships (about forgetting the lost ones). I don't know why they chose me. So I thought maybe it would be nice if I wrote something about it. and this was it.

4. I'm not suffering anything or secretly hurting from inside. like i said, i just wanted to write what i had in mind.

5. i had two more relationships after the incident, so obviously your statement about me suffering alone & not giving chances to other girls is out of the topic. if i didn't give other girls any chances, how come i got involved with another two relationships, kan? :)

6. We can stop missing a person who doesn't miss us back. The question is, do we want to stop it, or not? to me, it's all about the 'will to do it'.

7. You are allowed to disagree with my opinion. i respect that. but regarding my situation, i'm living in reality. that's why i'm writing this entry.

8. Thank you very much for your sincere comments. even though you missed the point, but what you said is true. i agree with it. cuma i think ia patut ditujukan kat orang lain. because i dont have any problems living without the loved ones.

thank you. and really appreciate your comment.:)

Igniz March 1, 2010 at 9:59 PM  

anonymous:

ah, just in case u wanna read it again, please focus on these sentences. :)

"Since then I started to see the world from a different point of view." & "...but the feeling of losing someone dear didn't hurt me as much as before."

Thank you for reading. hee. :)

Anonymous March 1, 2010 at 11:36 PM  

(malu+sowi bRO %)erm, tu la... mnsia ni rmbut sme hitam pkiran laen2.(malu lg)

hehehe. lawak pn ade. org ckp laen, kte pk laen. k la... THIS IS UR BLOG. u deserve to write what u had in mind.sowi again...

thnx coz mmahamkn diri ini. peace!!! (blushing malu.rs nk lari)

Anonymous March 1, 2010 at 11:53 PM  

(xya approve la bRO this comment coz no point n xbguna pn.just wanna say sikit lg.)

erm, i'm thinking again...if u r in gud condition(xde la problem of "missing" or yg bkaitan wif this title)... its ok. means, bagus la. :D

b4 i leave, i wanna say sowi again bcoz my misunderstanding.dats all. ;B

Igniz March 2, 2010 at 8:40 AM  

anonymous: eh, it's okay. i kinda like your comment. because it's honest & true. like i said, walaupun u missed the point, but i agree with it. it's a good advice. hee. :)

Fakhrul 'Ayour' Anour June 8, 2010 at 1:00 PM  

Igniz: I pinjam note u ni letak kat blog I ek. Dah letak pun... Heeeee! Trimassss!

Aleia Lopez November 30, 2012 at 5:15 AM  

This was nearly 3 years ago. How are things now? I am in this boat now

Anonymous February 14, 2013 at 10:32 AM  

My partner of over 3years got an arranged marriage and just cut me out of his life. Nearly a year later and still have nights when I miss him so much it hurts.like tonight. This is how iv come across this topic. But what do you do when your not allowed to miss him anymore? After all the hurt shame and lies I still miss him and I'm not allowed to. :'(

Berry March 31, 2013 at 4:47 AM  

marry me.

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