Phone Call From My Dead Dad

My dad died when I was 14. But of course for a son who loved his dad, he remained alive in my dreams. I always dreamed about him talking to me like how we used to, but I realized those dreams I had were mere dreams. I knew what was real and what wasn't. I did, until just now.

Today everything changed. The moment which I thought could and would never come...had come. It came knocking on my brain's door. It was, "Hey, I'm here to tell you that anything is possible!" at me. I was driving, on my way home, when 'someone' SMS-ed me. Claiming to be my dad, he said:-

"Ini Ayah tlong isikan credit mxis RM50 ke nombo bru ayah 0128115902 Ayah lgi ada msalah kat blai plice. Lepas credit masuk bru ayah call."

In English, it means something like this, "This is dad. Please have my new number 0128115902 topped up with RM50. I got some troubles at the police station and will call you as soon as the credit's in."

Whoa! I didn't know they had telephones beyond the grave! I was like, "Wow! Dad! You finally called! After all these years? How did you get my number? What are you using? Blackberry?" and so many questions. I was shocked and laughing at the same time.

Oh come on! It's getting old already!

The part that really surprised me was that there are STILL stupid people who use a really stupid method to cheat other people, and the fact that this kind of things STILL finds its way around us means there are STILL individuals who fall for it. So question, if you of all people get cheated by this stupid scam, that makes you...?

This is hilarious, really. Anything IS possible. And I didn't even call my dad 'Ayah'.

Comic Adaptations

I first discovered my 'ability' to write when I was six, during the kindergarten year. My handwriting was so horrible that the teachers had always been complaining they couldn't understand a word I wrote. Feeling demotivated and then got motivated by that 'demotivated' feeling (I hated the feeling therefore I fought it, in order to overcome it -- get it?), I re-discovered the same ability and found a new and better style of handwriting. End of story.

Now that was a bunch of crap writing. What the fish.

Okay, seriously. I first discovered my passion in writing when I always smiled whenever my Bahasa Melayu teacher gave me an essay homework like, every week. I was like, "Hey! Why am I smiling? Oh, because I love writing essays!" But that was Bahasa Melayu essay writing. Years later, when I registered myself as a TESL student, I knew that I was going to write a lot in English. In fact, a lot more and a lot better in English. When I finally got my very own personal computer, nah, I started writing random things every day. And I'm still doing it today.

My counsellor said, "My advice is, you must never allow yourself to be 'bound' by anything that makes you write in a certain way. Because from what I see, you write freely and don't have specific forms or styles. Keep doing that." Yes, I literally write whatever I have in mind and most of the times, nonsense.

But fortunately, that 'nonsense' of mine has somehow managed to put a 'sense' in my life and poof! At least now I know that my nonsense-styled piece of writing is not entirely nonsense, at all. Muahaha!

My once written and published on this blog 'KTMB: A Love Story' has been adapted into an eight-page comic strip illustrated by Fakhrul Anour.

PROMO: Karya Kolaborasi: 'KTM: Kisah Teladan Manusia'

And our next project is on its way. That would be 'Promises' (a twelve-page comic strip).

PROMO: 'Janji Agus...Ibu'

Well, I can honestly tell you that whenever I write, it is only because of my passion. I write whatever and however I want. Maybe some of them annoy you, maybe some of them inspire you. Doesn't matter which one it is, deep in my heart I thank you for reading.

p/s: Fakhrul Anour, my friend Aimi says that her favourite is 'Edisi Khas Bahasa Melayu 3: 'Unable To Speak'' and she wants this up for the next project. What say you?

Finally, Finally And Finally

I'm gonna speak using the simplest term and language. I'm a movie goer. I love watching movies so much that the feeling I have before entering a cinema is literally one of the best feelings I've always had. And when the cinema is not available to jump in, I'd sit tight in my room watching the downloaded version of whatever movies I wanna spend my time with.

Movies give me hundreds of ideas. They teach me to see the world from various angles and I can say that whoever I am today and whatever I do now and then are practically based on my observation I got from the movies. Because other than helping us having fun, movies tackle points of view in life that we generally might have failed to see.

As I said, I've watched lots of movies and I can name a few that stay deep down in my heart as the special ones. Just to name some, among them are 'Ocean's Eleven', 'The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy', 'Inception', 'Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer', 'Snatch', 'Babel', 'Vantage Point', 'The Dark Knight', 'Kick-Ass', 'Scott Pilgrim VS. The World', 'The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button', 'Seven Pounds', '500 Days Of Summer', 'A Bittersweet Life', 'Oldboy', 'Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance', 'Kabhi Khushie Kabhie Gham', 'My Name Is Khan', and...okay, I could go on and on forever.

But today was special. I heard about it long time ago and the review said that it was overall a great movie. Not the best and unlikely to win multiple awards internationally, but it was said to be a turning point for its genre...and language. After a while, I finally managed to have it 100% downloaded including the subtitles. So I watched it.

The movie portrays life in general, with sublime pinches on education, passion, friendship, family, love and most importantly... human's heart and mind. The messages are delivered in pieces, one by one combined and transformed into a bigger picture of what the movie is all about. The main character is never said a genius, but he shows his level of intelligence and perception splendidly that unlike some typical descriptive movies, he doesn't have to say, "I'm a genius".

The movie starts with him complaining on how terrible 'our' education system is nowadays, that schools and collleges have been turned into pressure cookers. Students are no longer excited in learning new knowledge and they consider it a reason to race instead. Then it starts to develop into a passion-wise typed of storytelling where the protagonist shows his peers that dreams can never be achieved without passion. It literally tells the audience, teachers and parents specifically, that they can guide their students and children to the top of the world, but in the end it's the student bodies themselves will determine whether or not they want to take the shown road.

I could spend more time explaining in details about how this movie has managed to awe me in many ways, but too bad I'm not writing a review here. I just wanna say that this movie deserves attention from all levels of people. And of course, I wanna tell you that this movie explicitly describes my biggest dream. I wasn't born a genius and obviously won't be one. But there's this part of me which is dying to do what the movie's protagonist has been doing for the entire 3 hours.

I determine not someone's level of achievement by how much he's being paid or how many Ph.Ds he has got hanging on his walls. I simply look at the number of people he has successfully motivated. I just wanna be a man who inspires. I've said this too many times and I just said it again.

'3 Idiots' is not just an ordinary made-in-Bollywood film. It is a Hindi version of telling a story about how to teach your students, how to reach your dream and how to lead success towards you. Yes, I know there are other movies out there that share the same content, but this one explains it best. Except for the singing scenes, I bet you can stand spending 180 minutes of your life...learning about life. Finally.

When They Say They Don't Believe In Love

Aha! One funny thing about Facebook™ is that people (including me) tend to put ideologies and philosophies on their status updates. Of course the most favourite type is the one where people talk about what they are doing or how they are feeling, but obviously that is normal even outside of the famous social network. But ideologies and philosophies...well those are heavy.

I have seen so many status updates and I believe you have too. And I'm pretty sure I won't be the only one who says, "What? They don't believe in love?" Yes, I'm talking about people who say they don't believe in love and will never need one. I mean, why? Why is that? Why do they refuse to believe in love when it is practically the first thing a human, like us, will see when he or she gets born?

For this question, I have come up with several explanations. Maybe they are right, maybe they aren't. But let's have a look, anyway.

1. They want to be cool like the rockstars. They assume the rockstars don't waste their time on falling in love. Perhaps they have forgotten that even a rockstar has a wife and several kids, and they aren't gathered by hitting a guitar on someone's face.

2. They just got out of love. They find it hard to accept. They are hurt and don't want to feel the same again in the future. Perhaps they have forgotten that when they first learned how to ride a bicycle, they fell a few times but that didn't stop them from trying again.

3. They got rejected. They believe the world is not fair and love is just another lie. Perhaps they have forgotten that faith cannot be earned without doubts, and acceptance cannot be gained without rejection.

Well I'm sorry to say this, but these kind of people are lying. They say they don't believe in love when the fact is, they are the ones who need it most. Deep down in their heart, they want someone to prove them wrong.

We learned about love immediately when we were born. How do I know? Well ask yourself how you were made. You were created in you mom's womb with the very seed from you dad. How did that happen? Because they loved each other, and your existence is now the living proof of that. You being here in the first place shows that love does exist. How can you say otherwise? I mean, you weren't made out of a stone. What are you, Sun Wukong?

As usual, feel free to disagree.

The Aliens (Will) Strike Back

After almost a year since the last attempt (click here if you want to know), they were back on the 14th of November 2010 with a more subtle plan. Yes, they still wanted to take control over the world. Still didn't give up.

Even though this time they had a more subtle plan, so they said, the location they had chosen to execute the plan was quite...the opposite. They chose a shopping centre.

Alien One:
"There are too many people here. Are you sure this is the best place? Why not the graveyard? The morgue?"

Alien Two:
"The morgue?? What are you, stupid? We want to dominate a living world, not the dead one! This is the best place. More people to witness how great we are. We just need to blend in and then, we strike!"

Alien Five (The Captain):
"Okay, here's the plan again. Make sure it sticks. Don't miss anything. Two of us will get the tickets, another two will buy the drinks, while me will be time keeper. I'll go to the toilet and wait for the signal. When the right time comes, we hit the button. Boom!"

Alien Four:
"Forth Eorlingassssssssss!!!"

Alien Five:
"What the hell was that?"

Alien Four:
"Owh, that's a battle cry. 'The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers'. Hee."

And so the plan started...

Alien One:
"So, this is what you called, 'blend in'? We're obviously different! Everybody is staring at us!"

Alien Two:
"Don't worry. I've studied everything. In their world, they have this one game called 'cosplay' where they wear costumes like cartoons, robots, aliens and stuff. To them, we're just cosplayers."

Man At The Counter:
"Can I help you sir?"

Alien Two:
"Give me two tickets for 'Dua Alam', please. 12 o'clock."

Man At The Counter:
"This movie is for 18 and above, sir. May I see your identity card?"

Alien Two:
"Here."

Alien One:
"Where did you get those?" (whispering)

Alien Two:
"I stole them. See how smart I am? I knew they would ask for identity cards."

Man At The Counter:
"I'm sorry, can you take off that mask for a second? I need to see your face."

Meanwhile...

Alien Three:
"Please give me two caramel popcorns and two Mirinda strawberries. Large."

Alien Four:
"Ah, I want Coke, please."

Alien Three:
"Oh, sorry. Make it one Mirinda strawberry and one Coke."

Man At The Counter:
"Okay. Okay, that would be RM12.90."

Alien Three:
"Okay, thank you."

Man At The Counter:
"Sure."

Alien Three:
"Heh. Heh."

Man At The Counter:
"........"

Alien Three:
"Heh. Heh."

Man At The Counter:
"Rm12.90, sir."

Alien Three:
"Okay, that's great."

Man At The Counter:
"Err...the money, sir?"

Alien Three:
"What's that?"

While in the toilet...

Woman:
"Ahhhhh! Pervert! Go! Go! Die! Die!"

Cleaner:
"Hiyeak! Take this! Hiyeak!"

Alien Five:
"Damn it!! Why are you hitting me!!? What did I do!!?"

Woman:
"You pervert! You think I don't know who you are just because you're wearing a costume!!?"

Cleaner:
"I've seen so many like you! You think I'm stupid? Just die!!!"

Alien Five:
"What the hell!!?"

So, during the post-mortem...

Alien One:
"You could steal two identity cards, but you missed the fact that there was a face on each of them, huh!!? Now I call that a genius! Really!"

Alien Two:
"Hey, don't put it on me! If these two clowns didn't blow their cover so quick, I would have had enough time to counter it!"

Alien Three:
"Whoa! Whoa! Hold the phone! Now you're pinning it on me? On me?"

Alien Five:
"You knew what to order, but you didn't know they had this 'money' thingy? You're probably the worst alien the humans could ever see!"

Alien Four:
"But boss, you didn't know they had gender... I mean, I knew of it. We all knew about it. It's so obvious in 'The Ugly Truth'.

Alien One:
"They pretty much have this man-woman thing on every movie. Don't you watch any of them? What's the matter with you, boss?"

Alien Five:
"Enough! We're going back now. We'll return with a better plan. And this time, don't miss a thing!"

And so they left. Worry not though, as in the future for sure they won't give up, they won't learn either.

When It Breaks More Than It Should

As if the world is going to collapse the man screams and yells furiously towards an old woman. Full of wrath and malice he says, "I only asked you not to touch it, the simplest thing to do on this f**king Earth, just one thing, just f**king one thing, and you couldn't even f**king do it!"

A crystal-made vase worth hundreds of dollars is seen lying on the floor...in pieces.

The woman stays still. Her eyes are looking down to those shiny little pieces, her tears are dropping heavily like the raining skies, and her body doesn't want to listen to her deep inner voice saying, "Don't tremble, please."

"This f**king vase isn't mine, you dirty old woman! It's worth half of my salary and you just f**king killed it! What am I supposed to do, huh!!? Sell you and use the money to pay it? You're not even close to that amount! Damn it!" So he sits down on the couch. He puts his hands over his red face. "Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!"

30 years back, a young little kid accidentally put down a mirror onto one wrong place. The mirror fell down on a table with an oil lamp on it. It hit the lamp. The inside liquid splashed itself right on the kitchen floor and the fire followed. Both of them burned the whole house down. But thank God, none was injured.

The mother held her son tightly. While trembling in fear the son whispered, "I'm sorry, mom. I didn't mean to make it fall..."

The mother smiled. She said, "Don't worry. I will forgive you now so that later in the future when you've become a fine young man while I'm an old lady who touches your stuff, you will forgive me too. Is that a deal?" The son nodded with a smile to prove her words had comforted him.

But the promise has been forgotten. The fully fledged young man who was once a kid has totally ignored it. He shows his anger more than he should, and the mother smiles more than she could.

"I'm sorry, son. I didn't mean to make it fall..."

And the son stares at his mother, hatefully.

Edisi Khas Bahasa Melayu 3: Unable To Speak (Tidak Terluah Dengan Kata-kata)

BUJI sedang duduk di atas katilnya termenung. Pintu biliknya dibiarkan terbuka. Beberapa saat kemudian, SOFI, kawan baiknya masuk. Sambil berdiri di hadapan katil, dia bertanya kepada kawan baiknya yang sedang termenung jauh itu.

SOFI
Apa masalah kau ni, Buji?

BUJI
Ha, Sofi, bila kau sampai?

SOFI
Lebih kurang...(melihat jam tangan) 32 minit dan 41 saat yang lepas.

BUJI
Banyaklah kau 32 minit 41 saat. Aku nampak kau masuk bilik tadi.

SOFI
Dah tu, buat apa tanya lagi? Apa ek masalah kau ni? Menung memanjang.

BUJI
Apa masalah aku, eh? Hm..(tarik nafas) apa pendapat kau tentang English essay aku?

SOFI
English essay kau? Okay je.

BUJI
Just okay je?

SOFI
Baguslah maknanya..dah teacher pun asyik puji karangan kau, takkan tak bagus? The content is always fresh...the grammar is good...hardly spelling errors..apa lagi?

BUJI
So maknanya karangan aku...

RUBINA
Buji! Baju dalam mesin basuh tu dah habis cuci ke belum?! Aku nak pakai mesin basuh ni! (menyampuk secara tiba-tiba di hadapan pintu bilik)

BUJI
Dah..

RUBINA
Dah tu, tak reti nak keluarkan??

BUJI
Ala, tak boleh tolong letakkan dalam bakul ke? Takkan tu pun susah?

RUBINA
Banyak cantik! Apa kau ingat aku ni orang gaji kau??

BUJI
Benda kecik je pun, damn it! Tu pun nak berkira?!

RUBINA
Ah, lantak lah kau! Aku campak je baju kau keluar! (bergerak keluar)

BUJI
Yeah, just do it, bitch! I’d like to see you do it, you sickening pathetic whore! Your existence is a mistake! Mom and dad didn’t really want you! They didn’t plan for you!

SOFI
Whoa..easy dude. She’s your sister.

BUJI
Ah, dia tu tak habis-habis menyusahkan orang! Sakit hati betul!

SOFI
(tukar topik) So..kenapa kau panggil aku eh?

BUJI
Pasal English aku lah.

SOFI
Kenapa dengan English kau?

BUJI
Tengok la pulak aku cakap English macam mana..terhegeh-hegeh..merangkak. Tak macam time tulis essay.

SOFI
Dude, I just heard you speaking English like...seconds ago. And that was good.

BUJI
Bila part mencarut memang aku fluent. Tapi bila sampai part normal conversations, aku gagap.

SOFI
Macam tu pulak? Habis, kau nak aku buat apa?

BUJI
Apa kata kau duduk? Meh sini duduk sebelah aku.

SOFI
Err..no thanks..I don’t like the idea sitting on a bed with another guy...alone.

BUJI
Bangang kau ni..otak kotor. Aku straight lah sengal.

SOFI
Hehe, aku duduk atas lantai, okay? (duduk bersila atas lantai sambil mencapai Akhbar Harian Metro)

BUJI
Macam mana kau boleh fluent English eh? Bagi tips sikit.

SOFI
Tips apa...selalu cakap dalam English sudah..tu je cara nak fluent.

BUJI
Aduh..every time aku tanya tips nak fluent English, mesti semua jawab “always speak in English”. Tak ada cara lain ke?

SOFI
Dah kata nak petah bercakap, kena lah selalu bercakap.

BUJI
Masalahnya dekat rumah ni mana ada orang yang reti English melainkan aku. Mak bapak aku tak reti English. Dua-dua pure Malay.

SOFI
Kakak ‘kesayangan’ kau tu?

BUJI
Rubina?? Dia tu lagi bangang. Sepatah haram tak tahu. Disturb the water..disturb the water..

SOFI
Apa tu?

BUJI
Kacau air.

SOFI
Hah?

BUJI
Ala, kacau air. Masukkan gula, lepas tu kacau sampai sebati. ‘Kacau’. (sambil tangan menggayakan)

SOFI
Owh..!! Haha, bapak lawak!

BUJI
Tu la pasal. Tu pun dia belajar dari member dia. Sama-sama bangang.

SOFI
Tak baik kau cakap kakak kau macam tu, dude.

BUJI
Ah, dia selalu menyusahkan aku. I hate her. Okay, back to the topic. Ha, tak ada cara lain ke?

SOFI
Seriously, dude. That’s what I know. If you want to be fluent in a language, you speak the language. Trial and error.

BUJI
Leceh lah...

SOFI
Oh come on..you can do it..you’re already good in English, except for the oral part. Kacang je bagi kau.

RUBINA
Wei, bodoh! Yang kau habiskan sabun basuh, apa hal?? (muncul mengejut di hadapan pintu bilik, sekali lagi)

BUJI
Bodoh, dah memang tu lumrah alam, nak buat macam mana?? Yang hidup akan mati, yang ada akan jadi tak ada! Yang mula akan habis!

RUBINA
Kau jangan nak loya buruk dengan aku, eh! Habis aku nak basuh baju dengan apa? Bulu ketiak kau?

BUJI
Kalau bulu ketiak boleh buat basuh baju, tak ada orang jual sabun basuh, kak oi! Otak ada, pakai ar!

RUBINA
Banyak cantik! Aku lah yang kena beli, kan? Kau sedap-sedap bedal sampai habis, aku pulak yang terhegeh-hegeh beli??

BUJI
So what? Can you do me a fovour? Just move your freaking ass and get lost! I don’t give a shit about you!

RUBINA
Kau jangan nak speaking dengan aku, eh!

BUJI
Speaking speaking speaking speaking speaking speaking speaking!

RUBINA
Eeee..budak ni..!!

SOFI
Ha, kak Rubi, nanti balik saya belikan sabun basuh ye?

BUJI
Right, nanti kejap lagi aku beli lah. Bising betul!

RUBINA
Aku nak pakai sekarang lah, bodoh! (keluar)

SOFI
Err..hehehe..hehe.

BUJI
Did you see that? Did you see how annoying and irritating she was??

SOFI
A bit.

BUJI
Spoil mood aku je. Where did we stop? Ah, oral English. Aku bukan tak reti English langsung, betul apa yang kau cakap tu. Masalahnya, aku tak boleh spontan. Kena susun dulu ayat, terkebil-kebil mata, baru boleh cakap.

SOFI
Then you start with that, lah.

BUJI
Segan ar..teacher siap puji essay aku depan kelas..bukan sekali dua..banyak kali. Tiba-tiba sampai part speaking, terkebil-kebil. Malu!

SOFI
Malu tu lah yang susahkan kau. Nak belajar bercakap, kita tak boleh malu buat salah. Dari situ kita improve. (berfikir sejenak) Okay, macam ni lah. Bila kau mencarut dalam kemarahan, kau boleh speaking kan?

BUJI
Begitulah hakikatnya. Eceh, hakikat.

SOFI
(Berdiri, kemudian berjalan ke arah BUJI, lalu menendang kaki kanannya dengan sekuat hati)

BUJI
Arrrghhh..!!(mengerang kesakitan, berguling di atas katil sambil memegang kaki kanannya) Dam....urgh..! Damn it! Shit! What the fu...what..arghhhh..!!!! What the hell is wrong with you, dude??! Are you out of your freaking mind..??! You bastard!!Damn it! Damn it!(mengusap kaki)

SOFI
Does it hurt?

BUJI
It fu...it freaking hurts, you son of a bitch...!! It hurts!!

SOFI
Hey, if you want to say the ‘F’ word, just say it, okay? Don’t hold back.

BUJI
What are you, dumbass? I’m trying not to curse too much, damn it!

SOFI
That’s the idea! That’s the idea!

BUJI
What idea? Kicking someone’s leg and asking him not to curse?

SOFI
Bukan! You! You curse, but don’t curse. That’s it.

BUJI
You curse but don’t curse, what the hell are you talking about?

SOFI
Kau perasan tak? Kau tengah speaking sekarang ni!

BUJI
Speaking wha..? (berhenti sejenak) Yeah, I was...I am speaking English.

SOFI
Right? You’re speaking English , right? You see that? You see that?

BUJI
Yeah, yeah, I see it. But I told you it’s normal. Bila mencarut aku cakap dalam English. What’s your point, dude?

SOFI
Okay, let’s start again. Kau memang dah proficient in English, except for oral English. Right?

BUJI
Yeah.

SOFI
You can write in English, and you are grammatically proficient. But. But, when it comes to speaking in a normal conversation, you falter. Kau ragu-ragu, kau gagap, kau gelabah. Tapi bila kau mencarut, kau speak English, like, fluently. Maksudnya, kau sebenarnya boleh bercakap dalam English, but, kau terlalu self-conscious. Kau takut buat silap. Sebab kau dah bagus dalam grammar, jadi kau nampak every little mistake you make while producing a sentence, walau pun tak lah begitu ketara or menjejaskan maksud ayat kau, but you’re aware of it. Jadi kau takut. Kau segan. Kau malu kalau-kalau orang lain perasan mistakes yang kau buat tu.

BUJI
Go on.

SOFI
Self-consciousness kau dalam kes ni membataskan kau punya ability to produce sentences in a very short time, or in short, spontaneously. Tapi bila kau mengamuk, semua perkataan tak bagus dalam English kau boleh produce! Ha, sambung.

BUJI
Maksud kau, sebab aku terlalu takut grammar aku salah, aku jadi gagap. Tapi...

SOFI
(sambung) ...bila kau marah, kau dah tak kisah dah grammar kau betul ke salah. Self-consciousness kau hilang. Kau just nak luahkan perasaan kau. Kau bedal je. But, because of your level of proficiency in English grammar is good, kau jadi fluent time kau tengah seronok mencarut tu. Faham? The only thing that stops you from speaking English fluently, is your self-consciousness. That’s all. Dari segi grammar, you’re already good.

BUJI
I see. Now everything is making sense!

SOFI
Okay, let’s try it again.

BUJI
Try it again, what?

SOFI
I’ll hit you again, and all you gotta do is release your anger without cursing.

BUJI
Hahaha, no way. Kau nak tendang aku lagi sekali? No no no..(menggeleng kepala)

SOFI
Eh, kalau aku plan nak tendang kau lagi sekali, mesti kau dah ready awal-awal. So kau punya anger tak original la pulak.

BUJI
Exactly.

SOFI
That’s why this time I’m gonna punch you right on the face! (terus menumbuk BUJI)

BUJI
(jatuh terbaring ke atas katil) Adoi...sakitlah bodoh.........!! (memegang muka dalam kesakitan) Kau nak mampus...?? Kau nak mampus, SOFI?? Sakitlah, babi!!

SOFI
Ala, kenapa kau tak speaking??

BUJI
Suka hati aku lah nak speaking ke tak..!!

RUBINA
Hoi..!!! Yang kau terjerit-jerit ni kenapa?? Nak mampus?? Memekak betul lah!! (sambil mencekak pinggang di hadapan pintu)

BUJI
Kau jangan sibuk lah!!

RUBINA
Dah kalau kau asik terjerit kat dalam rumah ni, mana aku tak sibuk??

SOFI
Kami berdua tengah praktis belajar English, kak Rubi.

RUBINA
Lagi sekali aku dengar kau terjerit-jerit macam orang gila, aku terajang kau!! Umur dah 20 tahun, tapi otak macam budak tadika! Terjerit sana sini, tergolek sana sini. Terencat agaknya. (keluar samibil menutup pintu bilik dengan sekuat hati)

BUJI
Meluat betul aku dengan betina tu!

SOFI
So macam ni lah kehidupan kau seharian eh? Bertekak dengan kak Rubi.

BUJI
Aku pun tak ada idea nak buat macam mana. Dia tu memang annoying. Especially bila kau datang. Mesti mengamuk, kata aku buat bising lah, bercakap mengarut macam orang gila lah. Entah apa-apa entah.

SOFI
Dia risau pasal kau tu.

BUJI
Tak ada maknanya. Tapi ni lah yang buat aku tension. Sejak kau tak ada, aku belajar English sendiri. Tak ada sorang pun datang tolong. Selalu kau je yang tolong. (mengeluh)

SOFI
Sorry, dude.

BUJI
Kau pun satu. Yang pergi mati awal-awal buat apa? Tinggal aku sengsorang kat sini. Tak ada member nak speaking English with. Nak harapkan family aku, tak payah lah..tertekan aku. Macam mana nak improve oral English kalau tak ada geng nak bercakap? Kau tahu tak dah berapa lama kau mati?

SOFI
Aku tak ingat.

BUJI
Dah tiga tahun.

THE END

What’s With The ‘Bro’ Code?

I have been listening to Hitz.fm a lot lately. Well, when you have to travel about 2 hours a day like, every day, there’s nothing more normal than listening to the radio, right?

So, there was this one topic called ‘The ‘Bro’ Code’. Jay Jay and Ean talked about it and then the listeners got to share some of their opinions regarding the matter. After ten minutes and a few calls later, I heard this man saying “I know a guy who broke the code”. Then the deejays asked about what happened. He said, “I heard from a friend that one of our friends is dating one of our friends’ sister.”

Okay, let me make this clear. I don’t have a sister. So maybe there are some parts of being a brother that slip far away from my points of view. Forgive me, but what’s wrong with a dude dating another dude’s sister?

If I have a sister and one of my buddies happens to fall in love with her, at the same time that sister of mine shares the same feeling for him and I know that guy is okay (if not great), I’d definite say, “Go ahead.” I don’t think I will ever interfere unless I know that friend of mine is a monster, drug addict or sadistic, jobless and lunatic predator.

But from the conversations I heard on the radio, most of them (the boys) agreed with the a-bro-should-never-date-another-bro’s-sister rule. Regardless whether or not that guy has been proven reliable. Why is that?

I understand that as a good brother you want to be as protective as possible. But which one do you really prefer your sister to date, a great and honest friend or a strange-looking stranger? And most importantly, do you have the strength to break your sister’s heart and make her cry just because of that rule? I believe the ‘bro’ code is not the factor you need to consider before saying yes or no. I think it is more important to know if that guy is able to make your sister smile.

And what if YOU are the one who’s in that I-am-in-love-with-my-bro’s-sister shoe?

p/s: Girls, if I was your brother, would you allow your friend to date me? :D

When You 'LIKE' To Hate...

Let's start this topic with a very simple question. What is the main reason you open up a Facebook™ account?

To show that you are following the trend? To show what kind of cars you have? To see how popular you are? To make enemies and reasons to hate each other? Or to make friends and stay connected?

Forgive me if I am being offensive, but I think whatever reason you have in mind now, none of them really matters when you forget and break the limit...in a very negative way. Okay, long story short, let's take the most 'famous trend' in Facebook™ nowadays; The Hate Pages.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZWhyQpHTTk

You see this woman? Yes, she is quite annoying and for me the video is not funny at all. But to some people, this is damn hilarious and it actually makes their day.

But recently I found out about a page that suggests and encourages people to hate this woman a.k.a teacher because to them (the page) she jeopardizes the credibility of being an educator by acting 'that' way. Owh, you should look at all of her videos. They give me goosebumps and I don't like it.

But hey, hey, hey! What is so wrong about that? She is just enjoying herself. She doesn't hurt or kill anybody, she doesn't get naked and dance erotically, and for God's sake, she hasn't got anything to do with that Freemason/Illuminati organization. So why do some people get so irritated by her videos? If they don't like them, then don't freaking watch them! Why on Earth do they have to make a page and hate her?

Let me ask you another question. Are you a teacher? Have you been one? For those who don't know, let me make you know.

A mother takes care and educates her sons and daughters. A teacher takes care and educates her sons and daughters, and yours, yours and yours. Do you have any idea how tiring that job is? Awfully.

So in order to deal with that amount of stress, some teachers resort to hurting, molesting, raping, kidnapping or even killing their students. While some choose to enjoy themselves by making a video and posting it on YouTube™. Now if you take that away, what are they going to do?

I understand if you say those videos of hers do not suit her image. Yes, go ahead and make a complaint. Oh, I just said it. Go make a complaint, formally! Write a letter or something, meet somebody and let that guy know how you feel. I am sure when the teacher hears that her recent activity has been inappropriate, as an educated person she will control her behaviour, at least in public.

But when you freaking create a page and ask people to join and hate her publicly, you are actually doubling her stress, humiliating her, and every chance for her to change and improve herself goes right out of the window. Same applies with any other people you hate in a Facebook™ page.

Instead of thinking about, "Oh, they don't like what I do. Maybe I should change a little bit.", they say, "What's the point in changing myself? They already join forces and hate me. Even if I change, they will still hate me. So f**k off!"

Come on, let's use our common sense here. It's completely normal to hate certain people. I myself do hate certain people and I'm sure there are people out there who feel the same way to me. But do we really need to inform the world about that? What if the same method is used against you? What if one day out of nowhere there's a page that hates you? (Now when I think about this again, ooh, there might be a page that hates me afterwards.)

If you're really dying to have a page to 'like' using your hatred, then by all means go 'like' those pages that hate whale hunting or something.

I was once a teacher for a very short period of time. Trust me, being a teacher is one hell of a stressful job. Don't simply hate them because they are on YouTube™ singing a song.

p/s: I'm too lazy to upload the video. Just click the link, okay? Sorry.

Time Traveler's Dreams

What would you do if you could bend time and space and go back and forth from the past and the future? Or in a simple sentence, if you could time travel?

Ooh, there must be a lot, yes? There must be a list of things you wish to have done or not years ago, and there must be some sort of dreams you would want in the future. Cool. Okay, why don't I ask this question to myself and see what I would do if I was allowed to time travel. Come on, humour me.

What would I do if I was a time traveler?

1. I would definitely go and meet Albert Einstein, Galileo Galilei and the rest, and tell them not to make any useful formula about Mathematics. I would force them to ignore the logic and make the subject seem less important. If they refuse, then I dump them in the age of dinosaur. See if they can formulate that.

2. I would find the young Matt Bellamy (MUSE) and tell him that one day he's going to be a music genius, join an awesome band, win a lot of prestigious awards and have a really great fan (that would be me). So in return he'd make songs with me in their lyrics, people would be asking, "Who the hell is Igniz? Matt keeps mentioning his name!" and he'd say, "My muse".

3. I would tell Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and George Bush that they're going to suck. So just go and jump off a cliff or something. Do not waste Earth's oxygen. Oh yes, I'd definitely tell Lady Gaga not to make the 'Alejandro' video clip 'that' way because it freaks me out.

4. I would remind myself not to waste my time and money going to cinema to watch crap movies like...too many.

5. I would kidnap the 8-year-old Stephenie Meyer and tell her thousands of times that vampires don't sparkle under the sunlight. They burn! And werewolves are supposed to be half-man half-wolf, not a complete obese wolf!

6. I would reveal all the correct answers for every test and then spend my study time playing. (Don't tell me you didn't see this one coming.)

7. I would help myself choose which queue I should take at the ATM machine because so far the one that I've taken has always been the longest one (duration wise).

Well, it'll take about 88 years if I want to list down everything. So let's make do with these seven for the moment, alright? So, what about you? What do you have in mind?

Let Us All Become Racist

I'm tired of hearing things about racism. I'm bored with being one of those people who got stuck in the middle of a war of words between one race and another. I am fed up. So just to make things a lot easier to comprehend and stop this 'I'm not racist but you are' nonsense, I decided to have these ideas of mine written and published. Let us all become racist.

Haven't you realized the exact reason why racist statements and acts become so sensitive in our country? It is because only a small amount of us can be considered racist while the rest is neutral. So when somebody mentions about the spirit of 'me' instead of 'us', everyone gets excited. But. Imagine if every single one of us is being racist, will racism be a problem? Ah Beng says, "I hate Malays!" and Samad replies, "Yeah, I know that. We know we hate each other, so what's the big deal?". Nobody is going to make a fuss when it's only normal for one to become racist, yeah? So again, I think we should all become racist. We should all hate each other.

However, in order to make this plan work and become a REAL racist, you need to do these following things:-

1. Do not EVER eat food that is not made by your own kind. If you're a Malay, do not consume 'roti canai', 'kuey teow' or spaghetti. Vice versa.

2. Do not EVER go to any sort of places that portrays the life of other races (including the sound of them!). If you're a Malay, do not go to Masjid India, Chinatown or Low Yat. Don't even travel to other countries! Vice versa.

3. Do not EVER idolize anybody who hasn't got the same skin. If you're a Malay, do not make Jackie Chan, Johnny Depp or even J.J Fernandez (the Hitz.fm radio announcer) as one of your idols. Vice versa.

4. Do not EVER watch any movie that includes people who don't speak your language in one way or the other. If you're a Malay, do not watch....anything. Vice versa. Maybe.

5. Do not EVER flirt with any hot girl you meet or see if she is not from the same race. If you're a Malay, do not fall in love with Marion Caunter, Aishwarya Rai or Kate Beckinsale. Vice versa.

6. Do not EVER learn about other languages. Do not expose yourself to a second language like Mandarin, Japanese or English. Do not speak, read or get involved with them no matter what. (You do realize that this is written in English, yes?) Vice versa.

And so many more don'ts...

So, think you can do all these things? Of course you can if you truly are racist, right? But if you find it hard to do all of the above, instead of humiliating yourself by being a poser, I suggest you do number seven.

7. Don't EVER become racist. Don't even try, at all.

p/s: Still, I know everyone is being racist in a very little way. But don't fight it. Just make sure that amount stays and never grows up. Chinese girls are hot and Indian boys are great sprinters.

This Is For You, Little Kid...

I used to know a girl virtually via a famous social network called Facebook™. Well this girl was so nice, friendly, a happy-go-lucky type of person, mixed (Chinese and Malay)...and obviously cute. A lot of people liked her. Most of us (in the friend list) had never met her in person. So maybe she wasn't real, maybe she was using a fake identity, maybe she was using someone else's pictures. Maybe. Who knows? I don't care. But the fact that she entertained loads of people by her status updates is something I will not forget.

But one day she decided to disappear...and she really did wiithout even saying goodbye. So this is her story before she was gone, from my point of view.

She lost her parents when she was really young. She was since raised by her brother in Australia until she reached 22. Then she was sent back to Malaysia to stay with her relatives. At first she grumbled about it, trying to get used with the weather and the 'foreign' culture. But not for long. Little did she know, she was slowly becoming 'more' Malaysian than we all were. Yes, she started to fall in love with Malaysia, the people, and the food. Especially the food. She said, "For some reasons, I love Malaysia more than Australia. Aussie is great especially for holidays, but Malaysia is a lot warmer."

It didn’t take her long to start studying about Malaysian cultures with her uncle. She learned about the history and everything. Not perfect, though, but she was getting better. Like I said, she was even better than most of us. Of course, she wanted to make some new friends other than those she knew at one of the local universities in Kuala Lumpur. So she made a Facebook™ account. She added a lot of people recommended by the website, and one fine day, she added me.

I realized that she frequently updated her status and in every single one of them she would get at least 30-50 comments (if not hundreds) from her friends. Most of them were males, of course. I even made an 'observation' one time in which I found out that the fastest comment she would get after her latest update appeared in the news feed was 11 seconds! And she responded to all of them. Her fine display of friendliness encouraged more and more people to drop by at her page.

Before I knew it, I was already 'sucked' into her little 'forum' and managed to get to know a lot more people through her. Her unusual amount of status updates and hundreds of comments gave me ideas to write, or at the very least, reasons to stay online.

She loved riddles so much. In fact, there were times when we used to play riddles every night through Yahoo™ Messenger, with me being the one who asked while she answered. It lasted for a few weeks before I finally ran out of riddles. It was fun.

She was always happy and smiling. I had never seen her in any sort of emotional states: anger, pissed and whatnot. The part that I will always remember is that she was really joyful, and I called her 'Little Kid' for that matter. She had the power to attract people to gather around her by just smiling and laughing. And that girl, her status updates and her hundreds of comments posted by her 'fans' inspired me in many ways. She amazed me.

But one day her beloved aunt (the one she stayed with) passed away and due to some promises made before she died, this girl deactivated all accounts she had and was eventually gone. Never heard of her since. Her hot cousin (she's really hot) told me that she has gone back to Australia. I'm not sure if it's for good.

There are still some features about this friend of mine I would love to describe but it would be too long. So the only thing I can say at this moment is...she was a great person to know. I mean, she was raised in another country with a totally different culture from what we have here. She could be different and could have stayed different. She could be wild. But she chose to learn about us, and become one of us. She wanted to become a real Malaysian, not by names and regulations.

Now please tell me, will you do the same if you were in her shoes? Well, you know you.

Whatever it is, I sure hope she'll be back someday. In the meantime, while August 31st is catching up really soon, just so you know, you're one true Malaysian I've luckily known and I'm so proud of you, Little Kid. Wherever you are, Happy Independence Day.

p/s: Since this story is written from my own point of view, there might be some inaccuracies that differ from the actual details or events. I only got to know her for a few months.

The Price A Woman Should Never Pay

It's an obvious fact that women are so sacred that no man should ever lay a grievious finger on them. They are created to raise and to be raised, to lead and to be led, to love and to be loved. As what a mother does for her child and what a wife feels for her husband, that is exactly what a man should give to a woman in return.

But of course, as humans are made full of flaws and weaknesses, we don't simply understand this rule just like that. So we make a mistake or two towards each other. As well as men do against women, it's normal. Mistakes exist for one reason, and that is to be learned. Just learn and grow better. But...even a mistake has its limit.

So one day I happened to read this one heart-rending story of a woman, and it struck me with the utmost level of sadness and anger. This was not and never taught by any religion or school or mother and father, so where the f**k did they learn to give this devilish treatment from?

The Plight Of Afghan Women: A Disturbing Picture

This woman on the cover was punished with cruelty and pain just because she did something so normal; to run from misery. She had a bunch of abusive motherf**kers, so called in-laws, and after getting caught for running away, she was held down by the brother-in-law while her very own husband took the 'honour' to slice off her ears, and then her nose. Now my heart is telling me that ain't the right way to treat a woman, or any other humans even!

Imagine if this sick attitude is given out towards our mothers and sisters, would we feel alright? Would we feel okay with it and close our eyes and let it be? Hey, I'm not talking about what's right and what's not. If you're reading this, that only proves you've grown big enough to understand and decide for your own. I'm just asking. I'm just telling.

Life is full of possibilities, and life too, is full of stupidities.

p/s: I got this story from a rebellious friend of mine, Syafiq. As he always posted 'rebellious' entries on his Facebook page, it took me by surprise that one day he mentioned something that the goverment wouldn't mind. Haha. Joking.

Life Is An Essay

In every beginning of an essay there exists one 'hook', or more, to be first made as the gist of an introduction. It can be a question to answer, a statement to ponder, a story to tell or simply, a fact to argue. Based on one of these hooks, the writer elaborates the next step, the content to be exact, and makes it a meaningful reading material. In real life, we all begin with a hook, too.

Then the idea is extracted, one by one, to be developed into a handful of informative and constructive messages. Each one of them shall be portrayed by a significant event or circumstance, in words, then get visualized by the imagination of the creator and the reader.

Soon, there might be some grammatical mistakes, purposely done as a slang or any sort of informality, or perhaps an honest mistake, an error which is so tiny that it will not be recognized as threatening or misleading. As long as the message gets through, everyone is happy. But sometimes, the mistakes get done in a bigger scale and more often, thus they lead to misunderstanding. However, this is not the end of the road. There is still a long way to go before the final dot hits the mark, so just wait and see how it goes. That is what we all are doing, really.

So a beautiful metaphor gets added afterward to unleash the desirable 'flavour', and some personifications to bring the concept to life, to make it real and conceivable, or perhaps certain abstract imagery as an identical background behind those words of truth, or maybe lies. The purpose is one and only; a weak but essential distraction. Not too much to make it crowded and less engaging, yet not too little to make it shapeless and wandering. Just adequately enough, is not it?

Finally, here comes the conclusion; the most important part in all types of writing, if you want to leave an impact. Some would leave it hanging with thousands of possibilities limited only by the reader's fantasy, and some would want to put a definite stop, nothing but the same and exact ending they would love to have. It can be a comedy or tragedy, and it can be satisfying or disappointing. Nevertheless, no matter how arguable an epilogue can or should be, it is the writer and the writer alone who has the power to include or exclude anything or anybody while coming up with the best possible ending, before going on with the next piece of writing.

Now, ain't it special? The point is a brilliant crystal that you can see right through it in the blink of an eye, that the writers control their way of writing as same as we control our own life. So regardless how other people react with your decision, by all means, decide your own ending.

The Great Lies

Some people lie in order to teach a certain person a lesson. Some people lie because they don't want to hurt someone's feeling. Some people lie just for the sake of having fun. But, however good or bad the reason they produce along those procedures of lying, it is still portrayed as an act of trying to achieve a specific interest or goal by telling something that is not true.

I have lied hundreds of times and I'm sure you have too. But on the other side of the story, I too, have been fooled by a few lies told by those people around me. But today I'm not going to preach and demand all of you to stop lying and be honest from now on. I'm just going to share with you people some lies which I was told about, as well as the ones I myself had come up with, and the consequences I had experienced from them. Have fun reading.

The ones used to fool me:

1. I was once told that...

The orange-coloured sky that appeared during sunset was very dangerous and could make me sick and die. Because of that, every evening I would rush home as fast as I could before dusk and got panicked if any part of my body was exposed to the orange light. I thought I was going to die. Obviously, the person who told me that (my late father) just wanted me home before dark.

2. I was once told that...

If a freezer or refrigerator was not closed properly, it would explode. So I had a day of guilty and discomfort when I forgot to close an ice-cream freezer at a shop and just realized about it after I got home. I thought lots of people were going to die in the explosion and wanted to turn back in order to close it, but was too afraid that it might explode the moment I reached there. My brother told me that just to make sure I'd use the refrigerator in the right way.

3. I was once told that...

Clipping my nails at night would bring in ghosts to the house. So there was once I had my nails clipped at somewhere before eight o' clock ( I always assumed that it was not yet considered 'night' until eight, but later was told that 'night' started at seven). Well, I don't have to tell you how I felt after I learned that, do I? Only then I knew that my mom just didn't want me to accidentally cut my fingers because of the dark.

The ones I used to fool someone else:

1. I once told...

A six-year old boy who was showing off his ability to spell words and read a book fluently. So one time I came up with a high-level word (to him), 'PROFESIONAL' (English spelling - 'PROFESSIONAL') and he couldn't spell the 'PRO' part. So I told him, "'PRO' is pronounced as 'NYA'" and he believed me. So he pronounced 'PROFESIONAL' as 'NYAFESIONAL' and he was proud of it. I'm sure he'd be a laughing stock when he bragged about the new 'word' he learned at class. Heh.

2. I once told...

My nephew that eating spicy food would make him stronger. So everyday he would call me and as what a normal boy would usual do, show off. He'd say "Look, I'm stronger now!" (and pose like a body builder) after he swallowed a super tiny bite of chilly paste, with teary eyes. The only reason why I told him that lie was...well, I just wanted him to suffer a lil' bit. Heh.

3. I once told...

My students (during practicum) that I had a twin who worked as an actor at Istana Budaya. The purpose was to get my revenge after they fooled me using the same lie. Of course I was so good a liar that they believed me (they were impressed to be exact!). But after I told them the truth and had a laugh, they never wanted to believe me again, especially when I said the female student who just smiled at me was my niece (I was telling the truth). They claimed she was a scandal. Huh.

GOD'S GREATEST INVENTION

Dreams do come true
When she walks amazingly towards you
From the hardest miles and ways
She'll put a smile in your days
How can you not love her?

She's like hidden words in an anagram
Don't just stare but look at them
You'll create a world full of letters
So many tasks but you'll come first
I can't see how you refuse her

She makes beautiful faces
She resonates wonderful voices
You'll shine brighter than the sun
Yet your life has only just begun
Nah, I still can't imagine you'll ever leave her

Yes, she brings you tears
Makes you live with some fears
She doesn't complete your puzzles
She won't hand you dry towels
But how can you ignore her?

Ah, and sometimes she gives you headaches
Doesn't put in chocolates into your favourite cakes
She'll speak in riddles and make you whine
She'll sing sad songs and ruin your cloud nine
And will you not blame her?

She wakes you up at twelve at night
She cries and pains over her little fright
You'll sing lullabies and put a spell
She'll be asleep with a baby smell
Will you not smile looking at her?

You'll feel blue when the sky crumbles
You'll need love when you see troubles
There she finds the colours that suit you best
She's a hero who takes care of the rest
Just how can you live without her?

There's a reason behind her existence
Someday you'll see her lovely presence
She's to love and to be loved dearly
Cause' you're the door and she's 'Open Sesame'
Can both exist without both?

p/s: Mothers, sisters, wives, friends and lovers, either one or all of them, women are God's greatest invention. I salute.

This Is Me Being Awkward

At the age of six, I could wink an eye
I chose a girl, or maybe two, or maybe more
To see who'd respond, I winked the eye
One got caught and she wanted to like me
But on the first day of primary school I fell in the mud
She saw me crying, and I just don't know what the hell happened
She was gone afterward and never be heard of

At the age of eleven, I thought I was ready
My friends and I made a deal
"Let's write a letter to any girl you know and see what happens"
I did and he wrote one too
But he failed while I succeeded
That girl responded well and accepted my love
Together for two years, and so we separated

At the age of fourteen, I knew a girl of my ex-class
She told a friend that she liked me, I told that friend I liked her too
Didn't know what to do and we ended up together
We were too shy so didn't speak much
The only words of hers I remember, "You've gone taller"
Just had my first wet dream on those days, yeah I was taller
Too bad we were too shy so we broke up

At the of age sixteen, I fell in love again
This time was real, I felt like a grown-up
We liked each other but she wanted to wait
SPM was getting closer so I said I'd wait
Then she knew a man and I was just a boy
But that man was great she was taken care of well
Better without me, so I left a changed man

At the age of eighteen, I got involved again
As a changed man I didn't want to wait
After just two weeks we tied the knot
After just three months we hit the wall
Told her I should leave for a better reason
She heard it like "for a better person"
She moved on fast, but I caught up later, just not with her

At the age of twenty-one, I met an angel
The best of I had had, and even older
She was close with her mom, and my mom too
Off to Cameron Highland, my mom'd ask for her more than she'd for me
But life ain't that free, things worked differently
She gave me coffee, I didn't have the coffee-mate
I had the shoes, she hadn't the shoelace, and the end of story

This is not a poem.

p/s: Okay, like usual, I never feel good writing about my love life. But when I do, that means I was inspired not too long before. Do check this and this out if you want to find out more!

I Have A Mind That Never Stops Thinking

My mind is like someone else and not attached as a part of me. I can't control it. It speaks for itself. It thinks and stops whenever it wants, and doesn't really care about what I want to say. It does things by its own rules and sometimes it troubles me. But thank God, it never betrays me.

When I'm working, it can suddenly think of something else and make me stray away from what I'm supposed to do. When I don't want to work, it gives ideas and makes me want to stay and keep doing what I'm supposed to do. When I'm watching a movie, it reminds me of another movie. It jolts my brain into thinking and imagining things while my eyes are still on the screen. When I'm reading or listening, it pulls me into a world where reality doesn't exist and the ending of it is determined by however I want it to be.

When I see a very tall building, my mind speaks, "If you were falling from the top of that building, you could actually finish singing a song before you hit the ground."

When I see an intelligent-looking person, my mind says, "Light is faster than sound. So sometimes people look intelligent until you hear them speak."

When somebody is giving me an advice, my mind whispers, "Hey, look at that cat lying on the floor. I think it just farted!"

When a friend of mine is sharing a problem and wants me to listen, my mind suggests, "Tell him that you're a superhero and can solve everything!"

When I sit silently on the train every morning, my mind asks, "Look at those people. Can you think of something to write about later on?"

When my eyes want to sleep during the night, my mind wakes me up and thinks, "Your life would be fun if you speak like this, do like that and blah blah blah."

When my mom needs my help doing the house chores, my mind persuades, "Every mom wants the best for her children, therefore if you say you're busy doing your work, she will not complain. Heheh. "

And when I feel like taking drugs, smoking or drinking, my mind threatens, "You do that, and you're going to lose me."

I love my mind. However good or bad my mind is, it leads me to where I belong. To where I am now. So that's why I made a promise that no matter what happens, I will never do something that makes me lose my mind. So should you.

Seven Things You Don't Expect To Happen In The Morning

They say morning is the door that leads to so many great things in your days. When you wake up early in the morning, something good is ready to happen and you're so lucky not to miss it because you're awake! But I wonder how your day is going to be if you morning starts with...

1. Getting hit in the head by a mysterious cupboard from the sky.

Instead of getting amazed by the bluest sky you're staring at during your earliest hour, you get knocked down by a big brownish thing you thought was a bird or something. Well, maybe it really was a bird, not a cupboard. Cupboards don't fly, do they? Maybe it was just a huge square-shaped bird which happened to fly vertically, towards you. Anything is possible nowadays.

2. Throwing away your favourite pet's dead body.

Oh no! Oh shit! Oh my God! Well, those could be some of the words you might pronounce clearly when that happens. They could be. Seeing your cat or dog or iguana or cockroach (for God's sake) dies right in front of your sleepy and blurry eyes won't be that encouraging, eh? What to do, death knocks whenever 'he' wants.

3. Eating the spiciest curry in the world, accidentally.

I say it hurts. Your stomach hurts, your eyes tear, your heart burns, your patience's gone and your toilet's a hero. And the best part of all, your plan's cancelled! If you can still make it after all those shits you have gone through (literally), damn you deserve a medal. I don't think normal people can hang around happily with a diaper stuck around their asses. But you could prove me wrong.

4. Having breakfast with Mahatma Gandhi, Alexander Graham Bell and Albert Einstein.

I'm sure this is going to be awkward. I mean, three of the greatest guys in the history of mankind are sitting at your table eating omelets with you! One talks about how to make the world a better place, another asks questions about Nokia, Sony Ericsson and Motorola because he never heard of them, and the last one calculates the angles of your weird looking face and tries to come up with a solution. Nice.

5. Being stared by the ghost from yesterday, literally.

Last night you were alone and feeling scared, and turned out the ghost you saw in the movie was real and kept staring at you from one corner of your bed. You were so frightened until you fell asleep. Today early in the morning you wake up and smile, thinking that it was just a nightmare. Only to realize that the ghost is still there, staring at you and then 'she' says, "I'm no vampire. I'm not afraid of the sun". Who could expect that?

6. Getting a hard slap right in your face, mistakenly.

You're stretching outside and trying to inhale the cool air of the morning. But all of a sudden an angry neighbour walks towards you and give your face a powerful slap. "You were the one who scratched my car! You f*****g piece of shit!" he screams. Then his daughter comes to stop him, saying, "No dad! Not him! The other neighbour!" Both of them apologize and leave you there dumbfounded. What a way to start a day.

7. Being flooded by the rain of money, literally.

You are still sleeping but your ears hear a sound on the roof. Your first thought was, "It's the rain". But it becomes weirder. You can't stand it and go out to see what's happening. It's raining cash outside! There are some $10 notes falling from the sky, $50 a little bit more and $100, occasionally. Once in every 30 minutes, a $1000 note hits your face. The phenomenon lasts until 10.30 a.m.