I'm Becoming More Human

When I was a kid, I always made fun of my mother every time she cried while watching a sad movie on TV. I used to say, "Nak baldi ke, mak?" (mom, do you need a bucket?) while mimicking her sad face. She would ignore me. I laughed. The next time she cried again in front of TV, I would say, "Betul mak taknak baldi?" (sure you don't want a bucket?). And that would go on and on until I myself got bored.

I was able to do that because I was heartless. Whenever I watched a sad movie, I would say, "Okay, this part is quite dragged on...hurry up already!"

But that didn't last long.

About five to six years ago, I started to have feelings. I'm not sure how it started, but there was a Malay drama, and I watched it alone in the room. Then there was this part where the main character, who was mentally and physically challenged, dying on his mother's lap. And this mother, together with her husband, had been ignoring him since he was a child (because he was not 'normal' and they were ashamed of him). But one day they heard this son praying for them, and they were touched, but they were too late. The son had to die (I can't remember why) and I was like, "Ngngngngngng!" biting my pillow! I asked myself, "Darn, why does this have to be so sad??". I almost cried. Almost.

That was it. The first transformation. Then I watched 'Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham' and I held my jaw tightly. I watched 'The Notebook' and my lips were dancing up and down. And recently, I watched 'Seven Pounds' and my nostrils were, umm, sometimes they were quite big, and sometimes they were not that big. I almost cried. Almost.

I do not know what is wrong with me, and I surely am not sure how it ever started. But I am more human now. Haih.

p/s: I have never cried watching a movie or whatever, yet. Almost, but did not cry. Huhu.


Azie Nazri June 16, 2009 at 12:42 AM  

I think I know that malay drama that you mentioned. The one with Azian and her son, Benji? If it is, I agree. It was really sad. I cried.

I think its good that you've become more human. We need more human humans in this world. ;)

There's one movie that would never fail to make me cry.
The Lion King.


Igniz June 16, 2009 at 12:48 AM  

azie: exacta! I love that drama, seriously. lion king? da tak ingat jalan cite dia..tapi since i got the movie, I'll watch it again then:)

anak pak man June 16, 2009 at 1:10 AM  

good on ya mate for not cryin! only babies cry! weeweewee *mimics baby crying*<-- what i would say i weren't a crybaby myself.. huhu

I'm not strong enough to hold back my tears. I try, but they fall regardless.. (what kind of dude are you man?? do u still have your balls??)


Igniz June 16, 2009 at 1:25 AM  

anak pak man: if you cry, that doesn't mean you're weak..actually, those men who do not dare themselves to cry are the weak ones..because they are afraid to show their own true feeling..hehe. tapi berpada2 la nangis tu..kalau sikit2 nak nangis, mana tak kene penyepak? (i'm not referring to u or myself, ok?)hehe.

Anonymous June 16, 2009 at 5:24 AM  

tetiba t'ingat asoka. our own asoka. *bow*


Igniz June 16, 2009 at 7:05 AM  

anonymous arya: yg bow senget benget tu eh?:P

Max J. Potter June 16, 2009 at 10:58 AM  

alah crying is cool ape, to express. i don't mind crying while watching a movie, or reading a book. i have guy friends who don't mind crying when they watch sad movies and read really touching books. they don't think it has anything to do with being a guy and not supposed to cry. it's what humans with their hearts in the right place do; being honest with what you feel. just that it's easier for some to show 'em with tears. while for some, not so.

it's OK lah. =)

Anonymous June 16, 2009 at 11:35 AM  

eh igniz. cepat carik cerita satu cerita yg boleh buat kamu keluar ayer mata:) ahaha.

oh, ada satu filem yg tak fail buat me nangis. that is leftenan adnan. tatahu kenapa~

and latest, the curious case of benjamin button:) filem itu mmg mengajar erti makna maksud kehidupan sungguh!:D

anak pak man June 16, 2009 at 1:27 PM  

er, yeah.. memang nak mintak.. hehe
but i'll try to not cry so much, nonetheless..(not that i've been trying to cry all this time..) hehe

wunny cool sajer June 16, 2009 at 1:58 PM  

leh jiwang nih.

Judiene June 16, 2009 at 3:43 PM  

man, ur story is funny
how come u hold ur tears n not let it drops?
next time, juz cry, its ok if da time is rite..

Anonymous June 16, 2009 at 3:46 PM  

lol. it means that u have a sensitive side.great! =)

anis June 16, 2009 at 5:50 PM  

susah..susah yg amat susah ni nk nanges..hehe~

saye baru belajar semalam, anda ini sifat neurotiknye myb amat la rendah. amat. hmmm.. n saye, amat la tinggi. ha ha~

--> big five test :) some sort like a personality test. myb u can try dis once. :)

Ina Bendtner June 16, 2009 at 6:25 PM  

just cry if you want to cry because there's nothing to be ashamed of. I am very sure you need a dozen of bucket, don't cha? :D

because they are afraid to show their own true feeling.
They're not afraid, but they're ashame. biaselahh kaum adam nie kan baje* je lebih :P

just to remind you, don't use 'that' pillow again. It's dirt :P

Igniz June 16, 2009 at 7:35 PM  

Max: agree with u..bukan takmo nangis..cuma so far belum ada movie yg berjaya buat me nangis..hampir nangis ada je..:)

miss faten: cite benjamin butang tu sedih wooo...huhuhu..

anak pak man: i feel u, man:)

wunny: leh aje:P

judiene: i don't know, man..rasa mcm nak nangis, tapi takmo nangis..sipi2 je..hehe:)

anonymous: i think so:P

anis: sy pernah buat beberapa personality test..tapi yg big five tu blum penah..nak try la nanti:)

ina: bantal tu ada lagi woo sampai sekarang..:P

l e n a June 17, 2009 at 12:09 AM  

The Notebook, eh? lol..tak sangka

Igniz June 17, 2009 at 12:38 AM  

iena: kalau bab movies, semua genre patik bedal!:P

Nadia June 17, 2009 at 1:07 AM  

entry neh buat i senyum jek. comel!

Igniz June 17, 2009 at 7:28 AM  

nadya: maceh:P

n June 17, 2009 at 2:52 PM  

ko nanges tgk kabhi kushi kabhi gham??? ko layan pon citer tu in the first place???? layak kne lempang

Igniz June 17, 2009 at 7:53 PM  

n: paham tak maksud 'almost'?there's a big difference between 'did' and 'almost did'..and again, kalau bab movies, semua lyn..sebut je la bahasa or bangsa apa..semua bedal..

n June 18, 2009 at 6:58 AM  

almost aku x paham.almond london aku tau :p

Igniz June 18, 2009 at 7:13 AM  

n: mcm jauh je maksud 'almost' n 'almond':P

Niji June 19, 2009 at 8:22 PM  

i see, you are becoming more human..
hmm... the birth of emotional consciousness, i wonder if that's a good thing

Igniz June 19, 2009 at 10:45 PM  

niji: depends on how we handle the feelings i guess..

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